FRUIT GARDEN+ ALTAR

June 2020

Everyone else finally saw all I had been knowing. The plight of black people now suddenly at the forefront of everyone's mind and screens. Beyond the black squares, I saw people start to see our humanity for the first time. It led me to a deeper understanding of the social death black people have lived through for centuries. What everyone else has only just now begun to understand, I’ve known for lifetimes and generations. This abrupt reckoning gave me a series of realizations. I realized that I felt validated in having my suffering recognized for the first time in my life, if only a little. I realized that the lines and degrees of separation amongst the races, genders and classes of people were arbitrary and contradictory to the concept of freedom we were conditioned to think we had. I realized that my blackness, queerness and poorness was not inherent to life itself, but life in a society based on violence, oppression and the subjugation of non-white people. I saw that freedom is inherent and is granted to us by birth and truth—truths unseen in this lifetime and on this land, but truths that we know deep in our intuition, memories, DNA, dreams, pasts and futures. Freedom is a biological need, no more or less needed than food, water, and having to be cared for at birth. We suffer when any of those needs are not met.

I began to counter the ideologies I've adopted simply by being born in the colonial settler society on unceded indigenous territory that is called the United States. It’s there where my history begins as a slave, as chattel, and then three fifths of a person. Stripped of autonomy, identity, expression, religion, home, community, family and humanity—given subjugation, violence, death and captivity spanning centuries—only to continue mentally and spiritually once physically free. What was once a population of free people, now categorized, dehumanized, and abused in ways only evil can imagine. The subjugation and incessant violence stripped us of our identity and autonomy. Without autonomy and the ability to define ourselves on the world’s stage, we became their definition. We took the place they decidedly and violently forced us into. This grand crack in the foundation of my identity forced everything to fall through—

What else fell through??

If I am poor because of my own volition then strike me down right now!

I am not—poor is another thing I was made to be. It's built into the function of our economic systems, reinforced by societal norms, and justified by my lack of ability to conform and deny my moral and ethical decision not to steal, hoard, exploit, or be exploited. Arbitrary barriers to the necessities of survival are being upheld by everyone—people just doing their job, good people, people scared of being poor, people oblivious to the insidious nature of capitalism, our friends, bosses, neighbors, and colleagues—adhering and pledging their allegiance to it, day in and day out, stifling whatever freedom we wish for our children to have. It’s not my fault I am poor. I was born into a society where sharing is discouraged and the things we need to live are withheld and only provided to us at the expense of our own freedom, time, and soul. A society where care cannot reach those who need it because it is not profitable. 

If I’m a woman destined to be with a man because of scientific fact then strike me down right now!

I am not—the human mind is vast and imaginative, with a multitude of ways to describe and define itself and the world around it. We have the ability to develop language that coincides with nature. This language subsequently shapes the reality we experience. It shapes our minds and perception of the world. It has made our objective reality subjective. Realizing the subjective nature of our society, I understood that we have the power to decide. But this power has been systematically taken and withheld. I realized that all the violence was a choice, subjugation was a choice, the boxes they put us in were chosen with the intent to condemn. The destiny of my people and indigenous people’s all over the world, was conceived in the imagination of greedy violent people. They made the choices that benefitted few and harmed many.  They took the vast expansive nature of human expression, dwindled it to restrictive denomination, limited the true free form of the human mind and spirit. They made a reality that was judgemental, unequal, undignified, rigid and soul crushing. While we understand the notion that every person is unique, with a perspective unique to only them, we’ve upheld and embraced the culture and systems that deny this inherent part of ourselves. Nature does not limit the ways to be, love, and express ourselves, other people do. The violence, degradation, and oppression that people who don’t fit into the defined norm face is not inevitable. Those are the results of a series of choices..and I realize we have got to choose something else. I hope we choose radical acceptance of ourselves and others and how we/they choose to present themselves and live their lives. I hope we choose to embrace the differences and everything that makes us who we are. I hope we acknowledge that every individual and their perspective is valuable and worthy of a life that's dignified, and free from violence and injustice. 

Self-actualized and self-realized, I became an alchemist. I am now the definer, no longer defined. I am redeemed and hopeful. Mind and vision clear, I get to continue living in this imperfect world and imprinting myself on it. My journey, once terrible, now a hopeful one. With inner peace and a compass worth following, I was able to find a place of stillness despite all that was set to keep me in downward motion.

And in that stillness I found the garden.

It had everything I needed

And in it I could see the ways in which some men had intended to form me, unaware of the garden’s existence but still

I found the garden.

And in it my imagination bloomed.

My love became a lily, this knowing an apple, my joy a ripe mango, my freedom the wind and you all are the sun.

Full and warm I leave the garden and go into the world

And sow

And water 

And harvest

Making the world more and more like the garden.

Before I left the garden I looked beyond its edge, at our world, and saw the state of it. I saw her crumbling up under the thumb of man, ‘bout ready to shake ‘em all off and start over–so she can heal and keep the balance, as she always has and always will.

I saw all the problems–-which so conveniently held all the answers.

First, the natural drive towards liberation implies our inherent need for it. As long as the barriers to it remain, we will never know peace or freedom. The wars on us and the planet enacted by the founders of this nation and the world order would go on until only we are no more. The planet will live. 

White supremacy, capitalism, colonialism, imperialism, patriarchy, ableism, overconsumption, individualism– are the ideologies that form the society we live in today. They coincide with each other, shaping the reality we experience. Each connecting to, enmeshed with  and upholding one another, they keep humanity bound to cycles of global oppression and strife. There cannot be one without the others so they all must go. The physical manifestation of these ideologies in humanity requires the rejection of one’s true self, love, togetherness and humanity itself. These ideologies and practices negate freedom and justice in all forms. They negate love, care, equality, humanity, and the ability to just be. They negate progress. They negate the very survival of our species. These ideologies are stains, they created policies we look back on and are disgusted at our lack of empathy. And ability to cause so much harm without question. And without ceasing.

We have lived despite each other and nature instead of with each other and nature. We have built and maintained a society unfit for continuity, doomed for destruction. To survive we change our minds, to choose to liberate ourselves. We liberate ourselves by liberating our minds.

And the liberated minds of individuals make liberated children, communities, and bodies of government. Those minds make sure that the basic needs of all people are met. The systemic barriers to food, water and shelter no longer exist.

They are environmental stewards, caring for themselves and the planet alike as they know we are one with nature. 

They share the mental, physical and spiritual fruits of this world. They break bread and share the bounty of all the world has to offer. They commune in love and care.

They honor, teach and share knowledge. 

They never deny expression or withhold love. Expression is embraced.

And they always give thanks. To the planet, each other, and those who came before them and to those who will steward after them.

I leave the garden with a knowing that deconstructs the fallacies of today and reminds us of our unity, and that our own survival is wrapped up in each other’s. I get to go towards impending freedom, where I see hope, joy, and love where there was none.

THERE CAN BE LOVE CARE DIGNITY SUSTENANCE EQUITY JUSTICE WHERE THERE IS NONE, IF AND WHEN WE PUT IT THERE. 

END