iterations of a poem i wrote to move some things around in my life. After walking away from the workplace that dehumanized and scarred me, i dedicated some time to study—an act of devotion to myself. education for critical consciousness by paulo freire was the first book i dove into. I’d been writing and researching for a project i had recently begun on freedom. What I read helped shape my work, but an unexpected result was that it also shaped my perception of myself. the text led me to a realization years of therapy and reading about PTSD hadn’t brought me.
i’d been expressing my thoughts—philosophizing about knowledge, epistemology, phenomenology, consent and freedom. i’d just experienced an injustice so destabilizing that I had to empty and refill my head to process it, heal from it, and prevent it from ever happening again. in this process, i came across what freire said about integration, adaptation, subjecthood, and objecthood as it relates to education towards liberation. he describes integration as “the capacity to adapt oneself to reality plus the critical capacity to make choices and transform that reality.” this sentence alone triggered an epiphany not even the greatest of self-help books could. it summarized my thoughts on knowledge as it relates to oppression and validated my experience as an oppressed person—seemingly unable to adapt and change THE WORLD around me SO THAT I MAY EXPERIENCE A LIFE WITH LESS SUFFERING AND MORE DIGNITY.
what i was seeking at the beginning of this transition in my life was change and healing, so that i would be able to live a life of dignity, with my mental and material needs met; but what I was met with was a world that harmed me and prevented me from having what I need to survive with dignity. BUT AFTER READING THIS WORK, I WENT FROM A PLACE OF WANTING INTO A PLACE OF BECOMING. “THE INTEGRATED PERSON IS PERSON AS SUBJECT.” AND THE SUBJECT HAS THE capacity TO adapt oneself to reality plus the critical capacity to make choices and transform that reality, SO I BECAME THE SUBJECT.
“This poem was an intentional declaration to set my life back into motion before i turned 30. This is a milestone that meanS something—not the years behind me, but the one coming up—that, i had control over because i couldn’t do anything about the years behind me. So the one right in front of me i decided was going to be different. I stripped and went into the wilderness to make it so. ‘LET ME’ is a command. I commanded - demanded that i become the subject and i did.”